Family Gatherings During the Holidays: How to deal with the comparison game!

With Halloween and Thanksgiving behind us, it’s time to turn our attention to the next family holiday, Christmas.  However you celebrate this time of year, there is no doubt there is some fun, but also some stress, ahead of you. The holidays offer plenty of reasons to be stressed out -- the gifts you haven’t wrapped, the pile of cookie exchange invites, and those Christmas cards you have yet to address. But for many, the biggest source of holiday stress is family. And if you are a parent of a young child, there may be a reason holiday gatherings with family may be stressful.  It is something we like to call the “comparison game.”

“What is the ‘comparison game’?” you ask.  It is when your sister, who has a child six months younger than your child, insists that her child is “using complete sentences and does not understand why your child is not using any words at all.”  Or your aunt, who, “does not see why your child is not walking at 13 months when her granddaughter is walking at 11 months old.”  Is any of this starting to sound familiar?  Competitive parents can be tricky to deal with, but it is even harder when someone you are close to is playing the game.

When the “comparison game” happens during the holidays, family gatherings can be an added source of stress for parents of young children.  But that doesn’t mean the solution is to skip the holidays entirely.  With just a few coping skills, family gatherings can still be a joyous and fun part of your holiday traditions.

As a social worker in the Early On program, I often hear parents say how hurtful these comparisons can be.  A young mother told me, “It almost feels as if I am a failure as a parent if my child is not doing what other children his age are doing.” Another mom said, “It feels as if that parent is using their child’s progress as an act of one-upmanship.”  

Comparing a child’s development with other children is not necessarily a bad thing, but when parents become competitive, the result can be troublesome.  Too often, competitive parents see early development as a sign of intelligence or a reflection of good parenting, but it is neither.  Children all grow and develop at their own pace.  Being ahead in one area of development is no indication that this child is on track for a gifted or talented program.  It also does not mean that her parents are in line for a parent of the year award.  It simply means that in one area of development, one child in on a faster pace than another.

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So how do you deal with competitive parents in the comparison game?  Honesty is the best policy.  Tell others straight forward that you are proud of all your child’s milestones no matter how long it takes him to reach them, and that it is not a competition.   You can also ask why the person would say such things and if they mean to make you feel bad?  By being honest, you may find that your sister, aunt, mother or friend may have no idea that their words are hurting you.  You may save your relationship.  If the behavior of competition continues, you have at least put your concerns on the table, and can decide if the relationship is worth your time in the end.

One mother I met shared with me some great advice.  Because the comparison game became too hard for her and her cousin to bear, they decided to get together monthly over lunch and gossip about anything other than their babies.  They became friends again and left the mothering part of their friendship out of the equation.  It saved their relationship and gave them time away from parenting at the same time.

Another parent told me that as long as she knows that her child is fine, she does not worry what other parents say.  It is natural to make comparisons.  Although she does not find it acceptable to voice comparisons, if others do it, she just lets it roll over her.  As long as she knows she is doing the best she can do.  “All babies are different, so don’t let what someone else says worry you.”

As a mother, sometimes the comparison game can leave you with some pretty negative feelings.   Deep down you often wonder, could I be doing more? Could I try harder?  Am I really doing all I can do? Sometimes, we all have an overwhelming feeling of failing at everything we do because we don’t have enough time or energy to do it all.  Well, I can tell you, you are doing fine!  Do not question yourself.  You are the perfect mother for your children today.  Do not let the world quantify  your motherhood.   So embrace the joys of the holiday season.  Fond memories of the holidays are one gift you can leave your children, even if it does include a little stress.  

If you would like to find out a little more information about holiday stress you can go to:

When Parent Compare: www.thrivingfamily.com

8 Tips to Beat Holiday Stress: www.paconferenceforwomen.org

Holiday Survival Guide for Families with Special Needs:  www.abilitypath.org

This blog entry was contributed by Pam Gregorski, a Social Worker with the Ionia ISD Early On program.

Write On!

By Renee Gillespie, Kindergarten Teacher for Belding Area Schools

Can you believe that it is already December! The time from Halloween to Christmas goes so fast with these little ones! Last week on our last day of school before Thanksgiving break we had a Kdg. - 2nd grade writing celebration!  It was wonderful to have so many interested parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends in our classrooms for an hour to see what our youngest writers are doing!  We have stopped, for the moment, working in depth on details and labeling and have moved on to sketching a picture in our picture plan and moving on to an actual writing piece.

At this point in the school year, we are looking at how well our kindergartners are stretching out words and writing down the sounds that they hear. We are expecting them to hear and write down some consonant letter sounds but those letters may not necessarily be in the correct order to spell a word.  Most letters should be written using correct letter formation and some vowels such as e,a and o  that are easier to hear are beginning to randomly appear in their writing. We would expect that our kindergartners would be capable of writing at least (3-5) high frequency words off of a word wall (Dolche words) including I and A.

Our youngest writers have now been in school over 60 days, and are also expected to draw/sketch and write about a given topic or theme. They should also be able to read their writing back to us. Our advanced kindergartners are using spacing consistently between words in sentences, and are able to convey a simple message with their writing. They have no reversals of letters (such as b/d) and consistently use capital letters correctly (in names and at the beginning of sentences). They also use punctuation correctly (. ! and ?).

Here are some  practical ideas that you may use with your child to practice phonemic activities which will in turn help with your child’s writing.

                                                                                

These students are making/building words and putting together sentences with old duplo blocks that have letters and words written on them.    

                

These students are using pieces of Velcro with letters written on them to practice making their spelling words. They are sticking the pieces of velcro onto cup coasters available in sets of 4 at WALMART for around $2.00

This student is using pages from an old book to create a new book using the pictures to write her story. There is white tape on the bottom of the book that she is writing words on to make a new story! We re-use everything in our classroom, but these activities are also well suited for home!

Every day TOOLS to help young writers. We use SLINKYS and hair band to help us stretch out words and fancy coffee/drink stirrers to help us read books and point to each word individually. We also use flat clothespins to help us put spaces between words while we are writing!  USE your imagination when working with your young writer at home!  Make a writers suitcase full of scrap paper, memo paper, used birthday or Christmas cards, old magazines and books, colored pencils and stickers!  All of these items help to motivate youngsters to write!  Most of all, support all of their efforts! Good luck, and HAPPY WRITING!

The Please and Thank You Debate

 

As a speech pathologist I can certainly relate to the most recent post by Dana Childress titled "The Please and Thank-You Debate"   Using these types of words are important to parents as they show that their child has manners and respect especially when their child is addressing adults.  However, these words can be difficult to get out of a toddler and even harder when a child has a communication delay.  For a toddler who only has a few words these polite words do not really carry the " communicative power" that the actual word does  For example, saying "please" can get you many things (cookies, juice, truck, puppy, outside etc.) however, it does not build the rich and necessary vocabulary a child needs to effectively communicate his needs. 

 Read Dana's as she offers support to parents and early interventionists to address this issue. 

 http://www.bloglovin.com/frame?post=3851822831&group=0&frame_type=a&context=&context_ids=&blog=6269857&frame=1&click=0&user=0

Cook Up a Little Something for the Kids This Thanksgiving

For most of us moms, Thanksgiving means cooking something at some level.  You may be preparing that special pie, ordering the relish tray from the market or making the whole turkey with all the yummy fixin's!  If you are not too tired you may want to whip up something to keep the kids entertained after dinner is over. My guess is you may already have some of the ingredients in your cupboards. Check out the blog post from Little Bins for Little Hands about a recipe and ideas to make some homemade pumpkin play-dough.  Collect some small sticks, field corn, leaves, pine cones and cooking cutters for the kids to use and you have an afternoon of kid ready fun, while you relax and let the tryptophan take over!

 

http://littlebinsforlittlehands.com/thanksgiving-no-cook-dough-sensory-play/

Baby It's Cold Outside!

It is here, that white fluffy stuff and lots of it! It has arrived a little earlier than we all would like I think I can safely say.  Snow, blowing and drifting, sub-zero temperatures all make us desire to hibernate and retreat inside!  If this winter is anything like last winter we will be spending a lot of time hunkered down in our homes.  When this happens, often our go to activity is to allow more TV, movies, computer games or other technology to keep the kids occupied and the parents sane.  Even infants are sometimes placed in front of the TV to watch an educational video, or toddlers are offered mom’s phone or the iPad to play a game.  It seems harmless and in some cases even good for our kids’ right?  The fact is the American Pediatric Association has recommended that children under the age of two should not be exposed to any screen time at all during this critical time of brain formation. Many studies have revealed that, extensive exposure to screens can lead to attention problems, school difficulties, sleep and eating disorders and obesity.  There has even been a link to “background media exposure” (ie. times when the TV is just on but no one is really watching) leading to some of these same effects. Some studies have linked fast-paced children’s cartoons to affecting a child’s executive functioning.  What is executive functioning anyway?  Executive functioning is the process that enables us to plan, initiate and complete an activity while controlling temper, maintaining attention and responding to feedback from others. For preschoolers, this is a critical school readiness skill that paves the way for learning academic skills such as letters, and number concepts.

So as the flakes fall and blow and the winter season becomes a reality, plan ahead for ways to fill your days.  There is NO better way to build your child’s brain than through quality interactions with you and other caregivers.  Here are some ideas to fill your days:

 PLAY OUTSIDE: Get the whole family suited up with the proper clothing to spend a little time outside.  Outside of extreme harsh temperatures, getting outside in the winter is good for everyone!, Pull your child in a sled, build a snowman, dig in the snow, make snow balls to throw, look for animal  tracks and fill your yard with snow angels!

 CREATE: There are many ways to create things with your young child, stock up with some art supplies, glue, glitter, crayons, paper, pipe cleaners, beads etc.  Stock up on the ingredients to bake cookies together or make some homemade play dough, add in some scents such as peppermint or other spices to add interest to your creation.  Build forts and communities from materials around the house for Barbie’s, other super heroes, or farm animals to live. Cut pictures and letters out of magazines and glue onto paper or in a book.  

DO THINGS TOGETHER: If you know that a snow day is on the horizon, make a stop at the library and stock up on some special books to read for that day.  It is good for your child to hear stories over and over again so if they ask for it, please oblige! Work on puzzles together, or make your own out of used cereal boxes and cut them up into different shapes that will fit together.  Write an old-fashion letter to a loved one, where your child tells you what they want to say and you write the words; enclose a special picture and get it ready to put in the mailbox! Play a board game.  Get moving, by putting on some music and dancing together, follow your child’s moves—you might learn some new ones!

Of course there may be a time to cuddle up and enjoy a favorite movie together but overall planning ahead for some back up activities will in the long run be more beneficial for both you and your child.  If you are interested in learning more about the effects of screens on the development of young children here is an article that highlights the research and recommendations specific to children under the age of three 

: http://www.zerotothree.org/parenting-resources/screen-sense/screen-sense_key-research-finds_final3.pdf

This blog post was submitted by Cheryl Granzo, Director of Early Childhood Programs for Ionia ISD.

October: A "Sticky" Month of Learning

Kindergartners learning how to stretch our words and “label” by first labeling their teacher with sticky notes and then our classroom too! Kids can practice labeling items in their homes as well by using scrap paper or sticky notes!

Welcome to my favorite time of year!  The kids are changing as much as the seasons are right now. Expectations are growing for our young learners, and parent teacher conferences are right around the corner as well.

So, what skills are we looking for at the end of October? Please realize that when making this list, that there are always exceptions to the rule, which is why teachers work so hard to differentiate the curriculum to best suit the needs of the individuals in our classrooms.

• Children are putting more details into their drawings and coloring with real colors. No more purple cats!
• Children are labeling their pictures and writing down the sounds that they hear when they S T R E T C H out words.

• Students are learning how to reflect on their writing through conferring with their teacher and focusing on strategies that they can use to make their writing better.
• Students should be writing their names with the appropriate use and size of upper and lower case letters.
• They are beginning to predict what may come next in a story, or how a story might end.
• Asks and answers questions about a story.
• Produces rhymes, isolates initial consonants and some children are beginning to blend sounds.
• They are grouping items and counting by 5’s and 10’s and are learning to use a 10 frame mat/structure. http://youtu.be/p6RaMGDPfJg

• Students are working on number sense to 5 as well as beginning level addition and subtraction by using a variety of math tools such as bean counters (with one side painted orange),              

rekenreks,  unifix cubes, etc. They are also learning to solve math problems with drawings and/or numbers and are learning how to explain their solutions/answers.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp_ogl2iH_Q

• Identifying Numbers to 20 and counting to 100 by ones and tens.
• Counting by 5’s to 30
• Counting objects with 1:1 correspondence to 20
• They are learning to monitor their own progress by keeping track of either a journal of work, or possibly a writing folder. Many children may be working with math or science journals as well.
• Socially, students are being asked to work alone, in small groups and large groups as well.
• They are learning problem solving techniques for dealing with both academic and social day to day difficulties.

Finally, I would like to add just a note about kindergarten parent-teacher conferences. Parent-teacher conferences are the best way for you to stay informed and updated on your child’s progress. It is vital that the lines of communication stay open between home and school. Please take this time to ask questions and learn about new curriculum. Ask what resources are available if your child needs help, and don’t be afraid to say if you feel that your child needs to be challenged! Bring a pencil and notebook with you to list questions that may arise or things that you might need clarification on. List possible parent resources and tips that the teacher might give for working you’re your child at home. Generally, conferences at the kindergarten level are for parents only, as it gives all adults the opportunity to be honest about the child without them hearing any criticism. Remember that the relationship between your child and their teacher is an important one!

More than anything, your involvement in your child’s education sends the message to them that school is important. Be your own child’s advocate and become an active part of their success at school!  

Renee Gillespie authored this blog, she has taught kindergarten and developmental kindergarten in Belding for 28 years. She has a first-hand account of what is required of children and of teachers during this first year in the public school system.

Struggles Only a 3 Year old Understand

If you are a parent of a toddler this blog entry from Mommy Nearest will probably resonate with you.  You have gotten through that  second year of life and your little one is a lot more independent now that they are three! Whew--moving on to easy street right??  Maybe not, Christine Knight reminds us of just how many struggles a three year old can have each day!  It is all part of the process of learning how to manage our emotions. Anything sound familiar??

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By Christine Knight

Being 3 is tough. You're not a baby anymore, but you're not a big kid yet, either. You're expected to do what you're told, but now you have mind of your own. Uh-oh! Here are 30 times when, for a 3-year-old, the struggle is real. #firstworldtoddlerproblems

1. When there's no whole milk left, only skim.

2. When you want a banana and there are no bananas left. And no, you don't want a pear/grapes/apple. Yuck!

Click to here read the rest!

What is Today’s Kindergarten Classroom All About?

Kindergarten was first introduced in America in 1873, mostly in private venues, as a way to

socialize poor children and ideally to introduce children to the joys of learning through their own

discoveries. As kindergarten became part of the K-12 system a shift took place such that by

1980 the goal of kindergarten became to prepare children for first grade. More recent historical

events such as No Child Left Behind and the introduction of the Common Core have further

impacted the focus and skills targeted in kindergarten. If you have a child that is in kindergarten

right now or one that will attend in the near future, it is obvious that this is not your grandma’s,

mother’s, your or maybe even your child’s older sibling’s kindergarten experience anymore!!

So what exactly are the experiences and expectations for a typical kindergarten child in our

community?

Renee Gillespie has taught kindergarten and developmental kindergarten in Belding for 28 years.

She has a first-hand account of what is required of children and of teachers during this first year

in the public school system. During the 2014-2015 school year Renee will provide a month by

month blog of the Kindergarten experience. Below is her first entry for the month of September.

To follow along with Renee throughout the school year and get more information about the ISD

and school readiness follow this link (ioniaschoolreadiness.blogspot.com) and subscribe to get

updates through your e-mail or your favorite blog reader.

 September’s Child is Full of Wonder!

September is a month of firsts for our smallest learners. It is always a whirlwind in kindergarten;

every kindergarten room is abuzz with excitement, giggles, a few jitters, and even some tears.

Some are away from home for the first time, while some have spent most of their young lives

at either daycare or preschool. They are all soon going to find out what kindergarten is all about

together. We have a very specific agenda, specific curriculum and much to accomplish in 175

days of school! Most kindergartners will have worked very hard on getting into a routine this

month, as well as learning the school and classroom rules. They may have been assessed on

their knowledge of alphabet letters, sounds, counting, colors, shapes, cutting, coloring, rhyme,

as well as a myriad of self-help skills. They might have, like my school district, gone through

Discovery Education testing in the computer lab. A writing test may be given to assess beginning

writing skills. Why all the tests one might ask? After all, these children are only 5-6 years old?

Well, each test, or assessment gives the teacher a clearer picture of each child. Therefore, we can

individualize instruction as needed for each child.

Skills that a child would be expected to know by the end of September may include some or

all of the following:

• Knowledge of upper case and lower case letters

• Letter sounds

• Following classroom and school rules

• Follow 2 step directions

• Raising their hand before speaking

• Listening expectations

• Coloring inside the lines

• Cutting on the dark line

• Coloring with colors that “make sense” ex: no purple turtles or pink striped

people.

• No white spaces or scribbling

• Able to take care of putting their belongings away & pack them up to go home.

• Able to draw a person without stick features

• Learning to add details to pictures such as beginning to label their pictures with

letters, showing a match between letters and beginning sounds. Ex: writing a “d”

or “dg” when writing about a dog.

• Rhyming words

• Writing their first names with upper and lower case letters.

• Working with numbers to 3 and showing, with manipulatives such as beans or

counters different ways to make 3. Ex: 1+2, 2+1, 3+0, 0+3

• Learning about the number zero.

• Working on/with beginning sounds.

• Sitting by themselves for 10 minutes with a book box and learning how to build

up their stamina for reading.

• Being able to choose a center to work at and clean up materials when they are

finished.

• Able to use school “tools” appropriately. Ex: no cutting hair or clothing with

scissors, no pouring glue onto furniture or floor, etc.

• Able to take care of bathroom needs

• Enjoying books, songs and poems

• Participating in class discussions

• Able to work alone, with a partner, in a small group or large group format.

One of our tools is using beach balls to identify letters, numbers, names of our peers etc. This has

been a great ice breaker and lots of fun for end of summer practice!